The title of this post is something I’ve been asked by twin parents a little behind us in the journey. It’s something I asked other twin moms when I was lost in the sleepless fog of new twin babyville.
And oh how I want to hug all new parents, but especially twin parents, and just say, yes, it gets easier. Because sometimes you just desperately need to believe it will.
But really, the thing I keep thinking, about life, about parenthood, is not that it gets easier, but that it gets different. And each time it gets different, you get different too: you learn, and adapt, and find strategies, and just as you master whatever it is, it gets different again. But the thing is, through all the changes, you get stronger, tougher, better, and you’re able to more confidently deal with all the change.
A friend reminded me on Facebook recently of a phase I did not love. It’s that point where your baby figures out how to pull up to stand, but still can’t get down. And baby is SO EXCITED about this new standing skill that she wakes up in the middle of the night just thinking about standing. So she stands in her crib. And then she realizes she is stuck and freaks the freak out. Which means lots of midnight wakeups for dear old mom and dad. And so, for a few weeks, we had to keep lying her back down, patting her back, singing her songs, while she struggled to get up and stand again, over and over, until she finally crashed. It was really frustrating.
But here’s the thing: that never happens anymore. Now we’re just getting middle of the night wakeups because Etta’s too busy cutting teeth and thinking about walking to sleep, and Claire’s been sick, and, well, see what I mean? It got different. It’s still hard.
I think the key, the thing that I can tell new parents, singleton and multiples, though, is that the rewards get greater through all the change and all the hard. In the very beginning, you’re just living for the point when they finally finally just smile at you. And that smile is amazing. It’s like the payout for 2 months of sleeplessness and spit up and practicing all those 5 S’s.
And it only gets more rewarding from there. They, your favorite little humans, just keep becoming more fascinating, more capable, and more interesting, more like actual people. The biggest thing for me as a twin mom is, my kids are becoming actual siblings who talk to each other and play together, and that bond forming is just a joy to behold. Sure, there’s lots of hair pulling and fighting over toys, but that stuff is far outweighed by the heart-melting awesome that is watching my two kids pass food back and forth in their high chairs, babbling to each other. Or when Claire actually asks for Etta by name, and Etta turns to her, and they laugh and laugh.
So maybe it does get better. Still not sold on the easier, though ;)
7 Replies to “does it get easier?”
You’re such an awesome mom. Just wanted to throw that out there.
Yes, it does get both better AND easier. The rewards get better. (There’s only so much gratification you can get from keeping something alive. You get much more gratification from teaching that something to read, or watching that something ditch the training wheels.) It also gets easier as your kids become more capable of doing things for themselves. For example, the nonstop feeding of boys used to rule my life, but now that they can use the toaster oven and microwave on their own, things are much easier for me.
I used to think the rewards of parenting were simply not enough to outweigh the drawbacks. It was very depressing. I am here to say, though, that the older they get, the more the scales balance, and even tip the other direction from time to time.
Parenting sucks. But it doesn’t suck forever. You’re on the right track. Keep on truckin’.
Thanks, Amy! Oh man, reading and microwave use seem so far away, but I’m sure in like 5 minutes, I’ll be wondering how the hell we got there so fast.
I agree (and relate) with so much of this post. My girls will be a year in a couple weeks and it’s amazing to look back on how much we’ve gotten through in that time… Yet there’s still so many milestones to hit. Sure, it’s hard, and I wouldn’t want those first few weeks back for anything, but it’s so worth it. Seeing them grow into actual PEOPLE and start to interact with each other… There’s nothing better! :)
I needed to read this tonight! I’ll take “better.” Easy is overrated :)
It definitely does get different, doesn’t it! I think as they get older some things get easier depending on what you find easier; making consistent discipline choices can seem easier than getting no sleep, but it is different and I think it depends onel the parent which stages are harder. More independence with walking has made some things easier but others harder, like being dragged outside every five minutes!! Such a fun journey though, and the rewards do just get better.
I don’t know if it gets easier, can you let us know?
As a twin momma I also like to tell parents I see with dark circles and glaring looks at each other that, “you will survive” because at times I felt like there is no end and this is just how our new life will be! At 4.5 I am loving these boys and loving the life that they brought to our family. From a super rocky start to a year at 3 years old that made me learn patience on a daily basis, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
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