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I wish the SBA would shut up about folic acid

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One of the most important things I want to instill in Claire is a confidence that she is healthy and whole, just as she is. Spina Bifida, while not something we chose, has been part of her life from the beginning, and will always be part of her life. We can’t change the past, but we can focus on the present and the future, which are both bright, full of joy and discoveries and yes, also challenges and pain– just like everyone else’s life, too, with or without SB.

What frustrates me is, it seems the Spina Bifida Association doesn’t always share this mindset. I follow them on social media, and I regularly see these kinds of posts pop up in my feeds:  Continue reading “I wish the SBA would shut up about folic acid”

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everybody wins

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This is definitely what unbridled joy looks like. Some might call that #winning.

I’m a competitive person. A good illustration is: I am REALLY fast at typing. And the reason is, way back when in keyboarding class, I sat next to a friend who was a pretty good typist. And I was determined to beat her speed, every single day. Whatever her WPM was, mine HAD to be higher. It just had to. I never told her this, but we were absolutely racing every single day.

I think, subconsciously, this mindset persists today. Everything is competitive. Women’s bodies. Our mothering. How much we’ve achieved by the time we hit 30 (oh hey, that milestone is looming for me in December). Blogging. Followers, likes, whatever. So often, I find myself in this mindset that there’s only one winner. That there’s only so much success, popularity, love, beauty, joy in this world, and someone else getting a lot of it somehow means less left over for me.

Of course I know it’s a lie from the pit of hell, but that doesn’t keep me from often living as if it’s true.

Continue reading “everybody wins”

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can meatballs change my life?

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Recently, I read a piece on Serious Eats that seriously resonated with me– it promised to change my life, WITH PASTA. Pasta is basically my favorite food after cheese, so if there’s a way to change my life by eating more of it, I’m interested. In the piece, writer Sarah Grey talks in almost spiritual terms about what seems to be a sort of secular sabbath: the community created around what has become a weekly tradition of an open dinner party that centers around meatballs. Simple idea, simple meal, huge impact.  Continue reading “can meatballs change my life?”

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you’re so sebastian

When my sister and I were kids, our parents didn’t allow us to call other people “stupid.” So we did what any smart kids would do: we created a code word that worked just as well. Our code word? “Sebastian.” Ariel’s very own personal crustacean buzzkill was a natural choice for a couple of kids whose first movie in the theater was The Little Mermaid. “You’re so Sebastian,” we would say to each other, and the recipient would TOTALLY know exactly what we meant. It became something of a family joke, and to this day, my Papa, particularly when he is performing a monologue on behalf of the dog in his special dog-voice, will use the word “Sebastian” to call someone a nitwit.

This is why I was surprised when I saw that the name “Sebastian” has now arrived on the top 50 list of boys’ names. Guess all those people just don’t know they’re basically naming their kids “Stupid.”

 

*Note: if you named your kid Sebastian, I am sure that he is not, in fact, stupid. It’s a great name. But it will always first and foremost make me think “Stupid.” And then it will remind me of “The Neverending Story.” And then I’ll want to put a necklace on my head and pretend to be The Childlike Empress. And THEN it will make me think of twee rockers Belle and Sebastian. The end.

 

PS: Have you “liked” my new Facebook Page yet?

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sharing is caring

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See that stunningly gorgeous, extremely sticky kid right there? She’s wearing a stained tank top and no pants with skinny legs stuck into new red high top sneakers her daddy picked out for her. I sliced her up a delicious peach as part of her lunch. And you know what that magnificent child did? She shared it with me. She brought over two pieces at a time, running in those little high tops from her tiny table to my spot on the couch, handing me one piece, and devouring the other with a smile. Her eyes lit up every time I said, “Thank you, baby!” She grinned every time I said “mmmmm.” When we finished our slices, she ran back on crazy legs to bring more.

This kid is 2 years old and she knows the secret to life: the best things are only the best if they’re shared. I’m so glad I get to share all my best things with my Best Things.

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She shared with her baby doll, too.
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little talks

This girl knows how to stay positive.
This girl knows how to stay positive.

Most days, as I drive her to preschool, I hear Claire’s sweet little voice giving herself a pep talk in the back seat. It goes something like this:

“Claire Bear be OK. Mommy come right back. Daddy come right back. Etta come right back. Claire Bear be OK. Claire Bear see friends. Claire Bear see Miss Freddie. Claire Bear eat snacks. Claire Bear go outside. Mommy come right back. Claire Bear go outside. Mommy come right back. Mommy always come right back.”

By the time we get to school, she’s psyched up like a player for the big game. She waves bye bye to her sister and me. She walks happily into her classroom, where she will see her friends and beloved teachers, eat snacks, play with toys, sing songs, read books, work hard with her therapists, and then, at the end of the day, where her mommy will come right back to her.  Continue reading “little talks”

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so, you just found out you’re having twins…

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Dear couple staring in disbelief at an ultrasound image of TWO babies,

Hi. You might be feeling a lot of feelings right now, and those feelings may be giving you other feelings too. Like, maybe you’re a little bummed out and the difference between how you feel and how excited everyone else seems to be about this twins thing might be making you feel a little guilty on top of the whole feeling bummed thing. I know.

Continue reading “so, you just found out you’re having twins…”

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ch-ch-changes

If you’re visiting erniebufflo.com today, you might notice that things look a bit different! I think this is maybe only the third time I’ve ever changed up the look of my blog, and it’s always a little scary! I hope you like it. You may also notice over to the right, above my face, are easy links to my social media profiles. I even finally caved and created a Facebook page for this site, so if you’d like to follow there, you can give me a “like.” 

I remain so grateful for this blog, which has brought so much community into my life. Thank you so much for reading, for commenting, for connecting. 

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an update on my underarms

My headshot from the Listen To Your Mother show, the day I decided my sweating was out of control. Photographer Jacob Slayton made my sweaty self look as good as possible.
My headshot from the Listen To Your Mother show, the day I decided my sweating was out of control. Photographer Jacob Slaton made my sweaty self look as good as possible.

So, remember how I discovered that the medicines I take because of my heart defect also make me really really sweaty? And how I decided, since even the most “prescription strength” antiperspirants weren’t actually stopping me from sweating, and since I’m at least slightly uneasy with using chemicals to try and stop my body from doing something it needs to do to keep me cool and excrete stuff that doesn’t need to be inside me, I decided to try and quit antiperspirants and use more natural, healthy deodorants instead? And remember how I decided to conduct this great, potentially-smelly experiment in one of the hottest months of the year in one of the hottest and most humid parts of the country?

Well, here I am a month later, reporting back.  Continue reading “an update on my underarms”

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coming into awareness

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We’re sitting on the couch. Claire reaches up her dimpled hand and touches the knot just behind her right ear, mostly hidden in her loopy white blond curls. “I have an ouchy.” “Oh baby,” I say, “that’s not an ouchy, that’s your shunt! You have that because you have Spina Bifida. Your shunt helps your head feel better.” “Oh,” she says, “I have a buckle on my head.”  Continue reading “coming into awareness”