It finally caught up with me. I’ve been so busy setting up house, getting the girls into school, volunteering for the Clinton campaign, and hanging out with family that I haven’t actually had a chance to realize I’m really effing lonely.
Until Saturday. There was a cool kid event going on, so I took the girls. It was a “pop-up free-range playground” event where tons of boxes, tape, tubes, fabric, wheels, ropes, and other recycled materials were out on a playground and no parents were allowed in while kids played and obeyed the only rules “have as much fun as you can and try not to hurt yourself or others.” Volunteers supervised and helped with scissors, but NO PARENTS ALLOWED. There was free coffee nearby in the area for parents to hang out.
If I were still in Little Rock, I would have rounded up my parent-friends and we would have been drinking coffee and chatting while our kids played. In fact, that’s what all the other parents there seemed to have done. They were chatting in groups, rocking younger siblings on hips. I got myself a coffee, sat down, and tried to figure out how to make friends. The longer I sat there, the more I felt like the odd kid out at a middle school dance. I wanted to burst into tears.
I miss my friends. I am so lonely.
When I got home and finally did let the tears flow, Jon reminded me of my freshman year self, bounding up and down the halls of my dorm, basically insisting people be my friend. I don’t know where that girl went, but I am not her anymore. I certainly wish I had her energy. I know I’m good enough, smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like me, but I just don’t have it in me to walk up to a group of people already engrossed in conversation and attempt to say hi. Hi. I am so very new here. Hi. I am desperate to make some friends. Hi. Can you please talk to me? Hi. Can you see me over here just wishing you would break the ice and let me into your circle? You seem really cool with your rad glasses and your star-embroidered Ergo. You said you’re from Birmingham and I’m eavesdropping but I’m a displaced Southerner too. Oh, wow, you have twin boys and I have twin girls, and OMG your new baby is so cute and please let’s be friends.
I know eventually, we will have friends. It’s going to happen somehow. But it really sucks in the meantime.
Update: after I wrote this mopey post, we visited a church, and I really liked it. I also found out they have a moms group that meets on Fridays, and the one this coming Friday is about tapping into your creativity. So I’m going to go and try to be brave and try to make some friends.
4 Replies to “bet you miss your friends”
It’s tough. We moved 4 years ago 600 miles from our friends and family. Now that my kids are older (non-play group age) it is definitely harder to make friends. Plus I am one of only a few SAHMs. I have a few good friends but it is still not the same.
I’ve definitely felt this way. We moved to Birmingham from Tuscaloosa last November for my job. It wasn’t nearly as big of a move, but we also didn’t have family here. I’ve been dealing with anxiety (general and of the social sort) and recently started on meds. Bobby lost his job in April and has been largely staying at home. We’ve had a tough time, but we have started to make friends. Finding a church we love helped a lot. It’s OK to be sad and to grieve what you left behind. It’s not OK to continue to live there mentally (which I don’t think you are doing). I’m glad you are finding some ways to meet people, and I truly hope it gets easier soon.
Man I totally hear you! We move on average once a year, so about the time I make friends we are on our way to a new adventure. Making friends as grown ups is just so hard. I hope you are able to make some great friends soon!
I really know how you feel- I too didn’t realise until a while later and it made stuff hard. I still miss our good friends who are our age but learning to love having friends who are all ages and stages of life. Our church definitely helps, I hope that the friday group goes well.
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