you’re on a boat? JERK

So, not having TV, and not particularly caring, I missed the newest offering from the dudes who brought us “Dick in a

You got your flippy floppies? I want to SLAPPY SLAPPY.
You got your flippy floppies? I want to SLAPPY SLAPPY. Or maybe STABBY STABBY.

Box” and “Jizz in my Pants.”  Apparently it’s called “I’m on a Boat.”  Apparently their song titles only ever have four words?  Anyway, I just watched it, and I have new reason to hate it after this morning.  First, watch the video here (they’re jerks and won’t let me embed it directly into my post, also, language warnings for readers prone to the vapors).

They sing:

I got my swim trunks, and my flippy-floppies, you at Kinkos straight flippin’ copies.

Only for me it’s more like:

You got your swim trunks, and your flippy-floppies? I’m on tha bus, straight flippin’ you off.

One of the problems of living in a coastal tourist town is that I have to cross a river to get to work. And that river is connected to the ocean. And that river is full of marinas where rich folks keep their yachts. And on some mornings, those rich folks make hundreds of people late to work because the bridge has to be opened up for them to take their boats out to sea. That’s what happened this morning.

First, I missed my usual bus.  No big deal, I’ll only be about 15 minutes late if I take the next one, and no one at the office really cares if I don’t arrive straight up at 9.  That was until some m*****f***** on a boat, as the song goes, some Andy Samberg wannabe, decided it was time to be “straight flowin on a boat on the deep blue sea.”  We had no choice but to look at the m******f****** boat, because all traffic came to a complete standstill in the middle of RUSH HOUR.

This wouldn’t have been so bad had the bridge not gotten stuck in the open position.  So by the time the JERKS on the BOAT were “bustin 5 knots” we were decidedly NOT moving.  We sat there, on the bus, for 45 minutes.  Just sitting, probably all getting infected with Swine Flu thanks to the three folks sneezing their heads off (gee thanks, Joe Biden, for making me paranoid about riding the bus!).  By the time we finally got moving again, I ended up an hour late to work.

Seems like they shouldn’t be allowed to open the bridge except between 10 and 3, and after 6.  Then, no one would be late going or coming from work just so T-Pain can f*** a mermaid.

3 Replies to “you’re on a boat? JERK”

  1. This is not your point, I know, but I just don’t like Adam Sandberg. I don’t think he’s funny, which would sort of seem to be a deal-breaker…


  2. I’m not really a fan either. Some of the Digital Shorts have been sort of funny, but now it seems most of his schtick is I’M REALLY RANDOM AND SAY F*** A LOT! Which gets old by the fourth or fifth viral video.


  3. i can understand how this situation was frustrating beyond belief, but don’t take it out on andy! i know his stuff is annoying, but it makes me laugh. plus, i’m going to be on a boat next week, and i can’t wait to say that i’m on a m***** f****** boat! i’ll make sure to tell el cap-i-tan to not disrupt any traffic flow.


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