rude and j.crew’d

Sometimes I get the feeling that I am the target of a very specific market research campaign waged by gurus at J.Crew.  You see, they send out emails, and, I believe, count the seconds between my receipt of “ADDITIONAL 20% OFF” and my arrival either at the website or in the store, which happens to be a hop, skip, and a jump down the street from my office.  They send out these emails and then rub their hands together like DANCE, MONKEY, DANCE.  And usually I do.  I’m addicted to their swimwear and their knit dresses and their sweaters, especially, but really?  If I had my choice of only one store, and unlimited funds, all my clothes would probably come from J.Crew (a close second would be Anthropologie, but I only own one dress from there, as they are SO DANG EXPENSIVE and less conducive to my mix-and-match style.  Plus, who am I foolin’?  I may wish I looked arty but I’m really some flavor of laid-back prep).

Anyway, it’s been, oh, a week since I last purchased something from J.Crew, and like clockwork, the new catalog just arrived to make me drool over things I can’t afford until they are at least an additional 20% off clearance.  So I figured instead of shopping, I’d just post a few of the things I’m coveting here on the ‘ol blerg.

Silk Frances Cami, $88.
Silk Frances Cami, $88.

I love this cami.  But I would never be able to own it because a) OH FOR THE LOVE OF SWEATING and b) I’d NEVER get it dry cleaned so it would never be worn.  But how gorgeous is it? SO GORGEOUS THAT’S HOW.

Slub cotton swirling flowers tee, $45.
Slub cotton swirling flowers tee, $45.

I wear a lot of t-shirts.  I have an entire drawer full of t-shirts.  They go with my skirts and jeans, and I pretty much don’t wear shirts that aren’t of the t-shirt variety, unless they are tank tops, which really, how different is that?  This isn’t just an ordinary t-shirt though.  It’s pretty and flowery and feminine and special.  Anyway, I’m sure this shirt cost them $3 to make with child labor in some East Asian country, and there is absolutely no reason for it to cost $45 except to TAUNT ME, you cruel J.Crew jerks.

Dressy Jersey Ruffle Neck Dress, $88.
Dressy Jersey Ruffle Neck Dress, $88.

Ok, this?  This I will buy.  When it goes on sale, of course.  This dress is exactly my JAM.  I own, I believe, 7 knit dresses from J.Crew, and have been wearing them 99.9% of this spring and summer. They are my wardrobe.  They’re comfy as heck and yet I don’t actually LOOK like I’m wearing a nightgown, which is exactly how comfy they are.  (Key here, though, is that belt, as I need a defined waist or I look like I’ve got a bun in the oven.)  I’m counting down until I can get my hands on this for less than $88.

Also?  If I could order that model’s hair, I so would.  I confess, J.Crew models’ long, naturally-wavy-looking hair was a major inspiration for growing my hair out and embracing my natural texture, allowing me to sleep many more minutes a day.  So thanks for that, J.Crew!

Flutter Scoopneck Dress, $78.
Flutter Scoopneck Dress, $78.

I would also wear the heck out of this dress.  It has all the things I love: made of t-shirt, fun details, defined waist, pretty color.  But thanks to my cheap cheap cheap mama, I would never ever pay full price for something like this.  It’s a curse.

Silk Sirrah Dress, $148.
Silk Sirrah Dress, $148.

This is beautiful.  I want it in the dark blue color.  And I promise I wouldn’t be ridiculous enough to wear it with SHOOTIES.  I really dig that it’s SPOSED to look wrinkly, because I refuse to iron.  It also has a skirt cousin.

Nottingham tall suede flat boots, $250.
Nottingham tall suede flat boots, $250.

I’ve been looking for the perfect tall boots for YEARS.  Alas, I have ridiculously skinny (13″) calves, and all boots flap around my calves and look ridiculous.  I really love these, as the gray color would eliminate worries about black vs. brown, and they don’t have a heel, which is crucial, as I’m like a drunk baby giraffe in heels.  I’d have to call them or go in store to figure out the calf issue though.

Kelcey crackle-metallic ballet flats, $125.
Kelcey crackle-metallic ballet flats, $125.

I could almost justify these, as I wore my last pair of silver ballet flats until the sole I re-glued on finally refused to stay glued, part of the silver had rubbed off the toes, and the inside lining was ripping out.  I wear so many ballet flats that my husband’s family refers to them as “Sarah shoes.”

Dominique gown, $2850.
Dominique gown, $2850.

Let’s end with something totally fantastical, shall we?  Every time the J.Crew catalog comes, I ask Jon if we can have another wedding so I can have another wedding dress.  I was not all that into wedding planning, but man do I love wedding dresses.  I ride past a couture wedding boutique every day on the bus and drool over the dresses, which have a similar aesthetic to J.Crew’s.  Anyway, my three-year anniversary is tomorrow, and the ONLY thing I’d do over again is I’d get my dress, and my bridesmaid’s dresses, from J.Crew.  (And lest any of you think I’m insane, no, my original wedding gown did not cost this much.  Try $350 at David’s Bridal.)

So, maybe I should go buy a lotto ticket if I ever hope to have even one of these things?  Curse you J.Crew and your endless temptations!