One of the big things I didn’t know about childbirth was that it would make all my hair fall out. Already fine-of-locks, I didn’t have a lot to lose in the first place, but after giving birth to my twins, it was falling out in handfuls. I felt like I had four strands of hair left, and looked stringy and sad. Meanwhile, new hairs were sprouting, and tiny “baby hair” was poking out all along my hairline. Already inhabiting a completely new body, my hair’s shenanigans felt like adding insult to literal injury. Not to mention, it turns out babies really like yanking hair, and it’s annoying and painful.
I had always admired short hair on other women, but lacked the courage to take the plunge myself. However, after very nearly dying, I kind of gained some valuable perspective which was basically “get the heck over it, it’s just hair, you weirdo,” and I decided that the worst that could happen would be that I would hate it and would have to learn a valuable lesson about getting over myself while it grew out. Plus, this way, if I did grow it out, all the baby hairs could grow in along with it, and everything would look normal again. In terms of scariness, cutting all my hair off is really nothing compared to waking up in the ICU, so I felt brave enough to go for it.
I took a bunch of pictures of pretty pixies to my local hipster salon that does $20 haircuts. I told them all my hair was falling out and I was sick of babies pulling my hair and needed a change. They wisely didn’t let me go straight pixie all at once. I got the shortest bob I’d ever had, and headed out the door. This gave me a couple months to get used to seeing way more of my face and neck, so that when I still wanted to go shorter, the change was less of a shock. I went full pixie on my next visit.
It turns out all my worst fears were pointless as I LOVED my pixie. I had always been a little insecure about my chin and neck and worried I’d hate my face with no hair to hide behind, but I found instead that I focused on how much I like my eyes and less about how much I hate my jawline. I felt kind of badass. I felt liberated. I felt sexy. My husband thought I looked great.
Women especially loved my pixie hair cut. Everywhere I went, some woman told me how much she loved my hair and how she wished she was brave enough to try it, or that her husband didn’t hate short hair, or that she didn’t have such thick/curly/whatever hair. Gay men loved it too.
Among straight men, I discovered, there is a sharp dividing line between those who prefer long hair and those who can appreciate a woman in a pixie cut. They either love it or they hate it. But there are PLENTY of men who are extremely enthusiastic about a woman rocking short hair.
Still, a year after I first went pixie, I decided to grow my hair back out. No matter how much I loved the look of my pixie, it was more high-maintenance than I’d like. I had to have monthly trims, or I hated the way it looked. It never looked good air-dried. I had to at least wet and blow-dry my pixie every morning, because my bed-head was INSANE. My next-day hair never looked quite right, despite it. When my hair is bob-length or longer, I can air dry on shower days and embrace my hair’s natural texture. I can shower every other day and use dry shampoo and a little wave reviving spray to have cute second-day hair. And I don’t need haircuts nearly as often. I wanted my “easy” hair back.
It took 9 months of awkward growing for me to feel like I had an actual “hairstyle” again. By that point, I felt like I had something you could actually call a bob, and I decided to get bangs, which I have loved. Perhaps emboldened by my original pixie plunge, I even trim my own bangs now. It’s now been a year since I decided to grow out my pixie, and now the only reason I’m still growing my hair is I’m too lazy to go in for a cut.
Even though I only kept my pixie cut for a year, I’m really glad I took the chance and went for it. My proud pixie self is still in there, and I still feel badass, liberated, and sexy, even if my hair is getting longer. I wouldn’t be surprised if I go pixie again sometime in the future, but for now, I just add pins to my pixie love Pinterest board and tell myself we’ll meet again, someday.
Have you ever taken a big hair risk? Hair seems like such a small thing, but it has big power to shape how we feel about ourselves and how others perceive us.
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